December 01, 2005
Aah, Life. It's getting in the way of my knitting!
It's been raining here. A lot. Sydney is in severe drought right now, so bad that we're on Level 3 water restrictions. Which basically means that we can't use water for wasteful purposes, like hosing off driveways, sprinklers and the like. In any case, we're not used to rain. On Tuesday there was 46mm in Sydney.
Yesterday, I was driving down to the shops, and I braked at the roundabout. I heard water running. I looked over my shoulder, to see water coming from underneath the back seat.
I first thought that my petrol tank had sprung a leak, but I then realised that I couldn't smell petrol. I got home, opened the boot, and saw that the carpet in the boot was soaking wet. Lifted it up, and the whole spare tyre well was full of water. There is a leak somewhere, and I think I'd better keep the car out of the rain!
I also think I'd better stop buying yarn, and think about that new car we've been idly considering.
So I spent a great deal of yesterday bailing out and mopping up the car. The carpets are all wet, and I've been leaving the car with everything open, and hoping that we don't get more rain.
Today we're off to visit my grandmother.
She's the one who taught me how to knit, many years ago. My mother (her daughter) was killed in a car accident when I was eight years old, so my siblings and I went to live with my father and stepmother on the other sde of Sydney. Consequently, we didn't see a lot of her, or other members of that side of the family. I barely know her. However, she had a fall a few weeks back, and has been in hospital. We saw her there a couple of times, but she was sent to a nursing home last week, so we're going to see her there today.
My Aunt and cousins apparently cleaned out her house. Don't get me wrong, I don't believe we had any right to Grandma's belongings. My Aunt and cousins are much closer to her than my sister and I. I have very little contact with my cousins, but one of them is close in age to my sister, and they stay in touch. My cousin rang my sister and told her that there was nothing of value in the house, and everything was old and/or dirty, so everything had been bundled up and thrown out.
The more I think about this, the angrier I'm getting. Who decides what is "of value"? It was probably all of value to Gandma, who never got to go home and collect the things that were precious to her. She never got to say goodbye to her dog. We saw my Aunt at the hospital a couple of times, and she just didn't care. All she could talk about was finding a nursing home. I'm angry to think that they just shipped Grandma off when she wanted to go home.
I can't believe that there was nothing of value in the house. But I'm not talking about jewellery or knick knacks or appliances.
What happened to her knitting things? Maybe they were only old plastic needles and stuff, but they would have had great value to me. That's what I associate with my grandma. She taught me to knit, and I would have liked to have some of her "stuff", cheap crap or not. But they didn't even ask.
But the thing my sister and I agree on is the photos. I have only three pictures of my mother. My sister has two. So my sister asked my cousin what happened to the photos. No one seems willing to give her an answer. They're going to ask around for them.
I don't care about Grandma's "valuables". My aunt's definition of valuables and mine are obviously far different. Nice of her to ask though.
The scarf is done, but due to the crappy weather, it's unblocked. And I'm out today, so it won't happen today either.
Let's hope it doesn't rain while I'm out with the car!
Comments
that's so sad. i grew up on a farm that was a shared property with an eldery couple and one of their daughters family. they were always my grandparents, and after they passed away i had to watch my 'aunt' move into their house. they didnt get rid of any belongings, but it breaks my heart to see the way she treats their house. My grandfathers chair, the one only he was allowed to sit in, is stained and covered in piles of books and a fruit bowl. you cant even see the carpet anymore.
we have to let our relics be memories, they cant be taken away.
{{{{hug}}}} I don't really know if a hug is what you need, but it feels right. I would be angry too. Who decides what something's value is? It makes me sad, too, that you only have 3 pictures of your mother. Hopefully you will be able to have more come your way ... hopefully your cousins and aunt will do what's right and give those to you when they come across them.
I have to admit I kind of chuckled about the water in the car. BUT only because I can sympathize. My car leaks somewhere on the front passenger door side and the floor is always damp. My husband and I have searched and searched for the leak with no such luck ... one of these days we will find it, I'm sure.
Posted by: Samantha at December 1, 2005 01:00 PMI think it's disgraceful how some people behave when an aged person becomes frail and unable to take care of themself. Your story makes me sad and angry at the same time. Surely it's best to keep someone in their own home for as long as possbile. If they can't stay at least allow them the dignity of choosing what they want to keep when they do have to leave. To my mind you were entitled to 'help' with the clean up so at least you may have had the choice of keeping things that were important to you. A similar thing happened when my Nan died. It's a sad situation and I really feel for you. Take care.
Posted by: Meaghan at December 1, 2005 06:34 PMbig hugs from stormy Qld! I sympathise with your situation - my DH's family recently went through this in relation to his uncle and aunt. its certainly not pretty, and its the lack of consideration of others in the face of efficiency that causes the most grief IMHO
Posted by: Nat at December 1, 2005 08:42 PMI'm sure your visit will brighten your Grandma's day. Hoping you will have sunny skies.
Posted by: wool winder at December 1, 2005 11:37 PMMy mom decided to mail stuff of to people she wanted them to have. I wound up with a few pieces of jewelry, and a honking big box of photos, some of people I don't even have the vaugest notion of who they are. But there are too many things that I don't know where they went, that I really would have liked to have--like a couple of the quilts she made, an aerial photo of the property where I grew up (and none of the other kids lived), and her fabric stash (none of the other kids are crafty--although most are musical). But after a while, the pain lessens. Really. It hasn't gone away yet, but it lessens.
Posted by: Cathy at December 1, 2005 11:41 PMSome folks do have trouble understanding what 'valuable' means - for them it is worthless if it doesn't come with a pricetag. Such a sad life they must lead...
Posted by: Shannon at December 2, 2005 03:55 AMSame thing happened to my Mom. Her Grandmother taught her how to crochet when she was a little girl and Mom’s uncle threw away all of her needles, yarn and beautiful lace creations she’d made when she was a child once her Grandmother passed away. It may have meant nothing to him, but it really hurt my mom.
Heirlooms and family history to share were thrown away. He, of course, kept only items of monetary value, sold them all, already blown all of the money and regularly tries to mooch off of his siblings, Mom and his nephews. Mom said there is a special round of bad karma on its way to him.
I hope everything gets better soon.
This is such a sad 'sign of the times' I'm afraid, way too many people today put emphasis on monetry items and forget about sentimental items that have far more value than money, jewels etc. I inherited my aunties old sewing basket complete with all its bits and pieces, not worth much, but to me it is priceless. At least you have a wonderful gift that your grandmother taught you and you will have it for life, your beautiful knitting.
Posted by: sharon at December 2, 2005 07:11 PMI'm sorry for you - I do have my grandmothers old knitting needles, and even though I don't use them (they are straights and I only use circulars) I keep them right in my knitting room, in a special needle roll. Just to know they are there.
I think you have a right to be upset!
Posted by: Cece at December 3, 2005 05:01 AM
I have a family like that, my aunty and cousin cleaned out my nana's house when she moved to a retirement village, they were having a garage sale, so they say, nana died a short time after, and no-one knows what happened to the items or money, my mum did happened to get nana's sewing box (3 tier wooden box) for me, for some reason it was left in the house along with nana's bedroom suite, which was very old, and I have now in my spare room for visitors. I have no idea where all her photo albums are, and I just don't ask anymore, I just have to remember my great memories. And as you say about the old knitting needles etc, I would have loved nana's as none of my cousins or aunty knit.
Posted by: Annie at December 1, 2005 08:09 AM